My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
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I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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