Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
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I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
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You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
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Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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