Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Farmville is her only friend.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
