He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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