I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
