hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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