Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
