On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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