you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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