She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
