I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
