Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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