fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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