Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
