i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
