Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
