So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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