Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
