yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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