margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Randomize
