A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
