Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
