Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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