if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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