I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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