I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
