i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
