A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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