i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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