How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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