Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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