Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
