Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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