No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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