How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
