you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
