Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So drunk its hurt
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
