and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize