There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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