Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
