we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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