mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
