he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
