Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
