I think I just saw someone hide a body.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Randomize
