You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
