So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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