You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
