2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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