I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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