shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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