apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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