Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
