I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
