mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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