She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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