i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
