i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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