It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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