So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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