is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Operation Purity has been aborted
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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