Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
