So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
