dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
