So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
