I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
