did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
