the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
operation harelip BJ is a go
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
