Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
