She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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