I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
this boner is exhausting
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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