every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The power of my boobs compel you
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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