there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
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Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
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i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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