Non-Jews are for practice
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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