I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
