Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
