Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
