I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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