So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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