Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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